Bene Gesserit: Litany Against Fear
…the ground is literally trembling, and the furious wind takes my breath away. I've seen and experienced a thing or two, but I can't remember ever being so overwhelmed by the sheer power of nature.
Back to the beginning, this way.

We make our way along the path towards the bridge. The stones are wet from the relentless drizzle, and every careless step threatens to send us slipping, landing on our arses if we're lucky, or on our teeth if we're not. Ahead of us appears a swaying suspension footbridge. It looks quite new, probably a replacement for one swept away by the water. We're entering the final stretch.
The roar grows louder, and before long Vøringsfossen itself comes into view—the mist hanging high above makes it look as though the waterfall is pouring straight out of the sky. The going gets harder, but with every step courage grows and exhaustion fades. Only a few metres remain. I set down my backpack and everything else I can do without. Somehow, I feel I ought to face him alone. Spray swirls everywhere until the air resembles a saturated solution, but I can still make out a solitary rock jutting out directly in front of the colossus. Amid the deafening thunder, I take the final step and immediately have my work cut out for me trying to keep the mighty Vyrðingr from knocking me backwards. Within a second I'm soaked to the bone, the ground is literally trembling, and the furious wind takes my breath away. I've seen and experienced a thing or two, but I can't remember ever being so overwhelmed by the sheer power of nature. A true thunderflow.
A nearby Norwegian family supplies us with a handful of gummy bears for the journey, and we head back in silence. In summer there's daylight well into the night, so we still have time for another excursion. Not terribly far away, but terribly high up, we find a suitable candidate. We change into dry clothes and set off, blissfully unaware that before long we'll be so thoroughly drenched that "soaked to the bone" will seem like an outrageous understatement. We switch on every fog light our little car possesses and climb a narrow road at some highly unreasonable angles. Somewhere up there, beyond a fog so thick you could cut it with a knife, and quite possibly even farther, lie the vast mountain wetlands of Sutaremyri.
The world around us has dissolved into a milky haze, and we can barely see the ends of the wooden planks we're balancing along as we venture deeper into the plateau. The silence is deafening. Every now and then, a twisted branch emerges faintly from the whiteness, or a muffled splash breaks the stillness. The boardwalk ends, and despite my tall waterproof boots I can already feel that dry feet are becoming a fading memory. We're either sinking into the peat or pushing through stunted vegetation, which lovingly strokes us wherever it can reach—and with every affectionate caress soaks us a little more. Only a few patches of my body remain dry, beyond the reach of the little trees. It starts raining.
The rain drives away the fog, and we can finally see how far this patchwork of moorland stretches, interrupted only occasionally by a rock or some stubborn little tree. Waterproof Gore-Tex is completely fucking useless, and by now I couldn't care less. Water inside my boots, with more now pouring in from the tops of my trousers, is my old sworn enemy, so the north wind carries an uninterrupted torrent of Czech swear words off into the distance. Including, I suspect, several that have yet to be documented.
Indifference is liberating in the end, so off I go, path or no path, plank or no plank, fully appreciating the magnificent inhospitability of the fjell. I set up the Gibellini (which I have to anchor firmly and keep an eye on, since the bog is slowly eating away at my tripod legs) and realise that this intoxicating nothingness is beautiful to behold but rather difficult to photograph. Eventually I find a few stubborn birches standing alone against the local conditions, and grant them immortality on my negative. Back at the car, I pour roughly a saucepanful of sock-infused broth out of each boot, and we head back to fully appreciate such marvels of civilisation as a duvet and a hot shower.
In the Land of Giants
I jotnenes land
Jötunheimr, the Land of Giants, is an inhospitable realm far removed from the civilised world, home to the fearsome jötnar. Here, untamed forces of nature and dangers beyond human control stand in contrast to the order of gods and men. But the age of myths and legends has given way to one of facts and evidence, and the former Land of Giants has lent its name to the very real Norwegian mountain range of Jotunheimen, home to the national park of the same name.
- In the 1820s, Norwegian geologist Balthazar Mathias Keilhau proposed the name Jotunfjeldene, the Giant Mountains, for the range. His inspiration came not only from ancient sagas and the mythical realm, but also from the German name Riesengebirge—the Krkonoše, or Giant Mountains, on the Czech-Polish border. Forty years later, the poet Aasmund Olavsson Vinje got involved and came up with Jøtunheimen, the Home of Giants, which eventually caught on. So these Norwegian mountains owe their name not only to ancient Norse mythology, but indirectly to the highest mountains of my homeland as well. Whether Rübezahl, the legendary guardian spirit of the Giant Mountains, was informed of this international collaboration remains unknown. Unfortunately, his trusty informant, a rather talkative jay, isn't telling.
Well then, off to the Giant Mountains! We choose a longer but correspondingly worse route across the desolate Aurlandsfjellet plateau. The scenic road crossing it is called Snøvegen, the Snow Road, and it lives up to its name by remaining impassable for most of the year. The beginning of the drive above the town is enough to give you a heart attack, because somebody apparently thought it would be a splendid idea to build an extremely popular viewpoint up there, complete with a tiny car park, a ridiculously narrow, winding mountain road, and an endless procession of tourist coaches trying to turn around in the resulting chaos. I give the viewpoint a murderous glare and happily surrender our parking space to the next vehicle in the never-ending queue behind us. Fortunately for us, this rather uninteresting stop is the most interesting stop for everyone else, so as cars and people rapidly disappear, rocks, lichens and… magical flying Christmas quadrupeds begin to multiply!
Climbing onto the plateau feels like entering another world. The weather up here is devastatingly hostile. That bog was paradise by comparison. It's raining (again? Still? I've lost track), the cold rapidly gnaws its way through every layer of clothing, and the wind is so powerful that it almost tears the car door off when I try to get out. Yet the more inhospitable the landscape becomes, the more its beauty grows—there's almost nothing here, and I wouldn't add so much as a single pebble. It's always pissed me off that I was born too late to explore our own world and too early to explore others. But here I feel as though I've finally had my chance—here I feel as though I'm standing among the icy furrows of Nippur Sulcus on Ganymede.
And then, all of a sudden, out of this seemingly lifeless wilderness—a herd of reindeer. All I'd have to do is reach out and give these furry bundles of happiness a scratch, but why? What do they care about me? I don't set up the camera. I don't want to. Sometimes it's better simply to enjoy the moment. Besides, the entire contraption would immediately take flight and head straight back to Italy. We freeze. We stare. We get wet. We drive on.
- What do you call a baby reindeer, eh?! A reindlet? A reinling? A reinwobbler? A reinfluff? A reindeer shitling? Sadly, it's the utterly uninspiring reindeer calf. So many wonderful possibilities, and the name sounds as though it was chosen by a bureaucrat taking inventory of the tundra.

At the northernmost point of our journey, a hike is waiting to sink its teeth into us. They say that anyone who hasn't completed it has no right to call themselves a proper mountain hiker—the dreaded Besseggen ridge. We soak up the wisdom of those who have conquered it before us and anxiously watch the weather forecast change with alarming speed. Several things are conspiring against us at once, particularly the considerable distance, elevation gain, rain and wind. You can swear your way through the first two, but roughly halfway along the route there's a highly exposed ridge where you need all four limbs even in dry conditions, never mind on slippery rock. The final nail in the coffin is the ever-strengthening wind, so perhaps unnecessarily scared shitless, we throw in the towel. With tears welling up in my eyes, I bid farewell to my chance of becoming a genuine, bona fide mountain hiker and resign myself to remaining some sort of half-formed creature that merely gets about on foot. Time for Plan B.
- Distances feel completely different in Norway, and not just when travelling by car. A kilometre back in the Czech Republic is definitely not the same kilometre as one here. Trails tend to be extremely vertical, technically demanding and full of obstacles—whereas at home I can manage 20–25 kilometres in a day, here I'm happy with ten. Seriously.


The Besseggen ridge rises above Lake Gjende, and on the opposite side of the lake, within sight of it, stands its only slightly lower but considerably wilder little brother, Knutshøe. What an idiot, I hear you say. He won't attempt one ridge because of the weather, but he's willing to tackle an even rougher one practically next door? Put down your torch and pitchfork, dear reader. Knutshøe is indeed far less frequented and considerably more untamed, perhaps even more technically demanding, but it's also shorter and involves less elevation gain. The second half is then a pleasant stroll through the flat meanders of the glacial river Leirungsåe. And although the peaks are close enough that you could practically wave to someone on the other side, the weather can be entirely different. And thankfully, it is. Off we go.
We can see the exposed Besseggen getting its arse thoroughly kicked by wind and rain, but we have the advantage of being sheltered from the wind blowing off the lake for a good part of our ascent. Almost as though mocking its bigger brother across the water, our little ridge even treats us to the occasional patch of sunshine. But it won't be that easy, oh no… Just over a kilometre from the car park lies such an ugly, nasty, almost wicked—wicked, I tell you—a thoroughly unpleasant thing—a smooth diagonal rock face with no alternative route around it. We know about it in advance, but that doesn't make it any less of a bastard. There's very little to hold on to, and to get your feet properly braced against anything, you'd need legs like a daddy-long-legs in the loo. My feet keep slipping, my backpack is pulling me backwards, and it's best not to look behind me—directly beneath the rock face lies a very large and very deep nothing. Helping each other, we literally scrape our way up those few metres and give thanks for the dry rock—otherwise we'd have enjoyed a very short slide followed by a very long flight. One thing is clear: whatever lies ahead, turning back is no longer an option.
The views are magnificent. The closer we get to the summit, the more of the dark aquamarine lake reveals itself on one side, while on the other the occasional rays of sunlight illuminate the river's winding course. The mountain massif opposite is hidden in clouds, and our own summit is obscured by a false peak. The wind is beginning to give us a proper battering, but the walking is pleasant enough. We're only about a hundred metres from the top now. But it won't be that easy, oh no…
The terrain becomes more exposed and technically difficult, forcing us to use our hands as well. The gale chooses its moment, the path narrows, and directly ahead of me three sides out of four simply disappear into the unknown. My decisive moment has arrived. I'm so high up I can barely swallow, my backpack, camera and tripod are all trying to kill me, and I'm shuffling around a loose, rocky bend in a crouch. I climb the last few stone steps on my knees, the litany on my lips, surrounded by all those bloody lakes and rivers and fjords and waterfalls, everything so terribly tiny and so horribly far below. Shaking like a shitting dog, I somehow find myself at the top, on a wonderfully wide little path. The ridge opposite is now visible in all its glory, and if you strain your eyes you can make out tiny ants scrambling up its slopes. On the other side, the meanders of the Leirungsåe form a delta as the river flows into another lake, Øvre Leirungen. It seems that Skaði herself has finally deemed our mountain endeavours sufficiently satisfactory, for the sun is breaking through the dark clouds and a rainbow arches over the whole scene. Like something out of a ridiculously kitschy greeting card. Perhaps Heimdall has allowed us a brief glimpse of Bifröst, the mythical bridge leading to Ásgarðr. I appreciate the opportunity to climb somewhere else, but thanks. Not today. Downhill only.
Back Towards Midday
Tilbake mot middagssolen
Our journey turns back towards the south, where the Ouroboros will finally get to bite its own tail. But which way? Nobody seems to recommend anything other than the eastern route, past the capital, Oslo. But hang on—what about cutting straight through the middle, across the interior? There must be something there. It's almost as if somebody is keeping a secret from us! You're not fooling me—I stab a finger at the town of Rjukan on the map. There's bound to be something there.
Well, fuck me, there certainly is. When Nazi Germany carried out its Weser Exercise in 1940 and occupied Denmark and Norway, its principal aims were to secure access to Swedish iron ore, control the Norwegian coastline and its naval and air bases, and prevent the Allies from occupying strategic ports. But it also got its hands on something that would soon play an extraordinary part in history: the Norsk Hydro plant at Vemork, which produced precious heavy water. This very plant was to become the setting for one of the most famous acts of sabotage of the Second World War, Operation Gunnerside.
- Water again! But this time it's heavy water, D₂O. The factory produced hydrogen for artificial fertilisers by electrolysis, a process that naturally concentrated rare deuterium oxide in the remaining water. And thanks to their hydroelectric power station, the Norwegians had such an enormous surplus of energy that they decided to go to extraordinary lengths to extract the stuff. Probably out of boredom. They were virtually the only ones in the world producing it, and nobody really knew what it was good for. People drank it, rubbed it on their cheeks, experimented with slowing tumour growth, but nothing much came of it—until the world discovered nuclear fission and realised that heavy water could be used effectively as a neutron moderator in nuclear reactors. And so began the race to build an atomic bomb. The eyes of the world turned to Rjukan.
The Germans wasted no time producing the stuff, while the Allies struggled to put Vemork out of action—until a handful of Norwegian alpha males on skis came along. They dropped from the heavens, scrambled up a steep winter gorge to the power station (so inaccessible that the Germans had left it unguarded, having concluded that nobody could possibly get through that way), planted explosives, blew up the equipment along with the entire stock of heavy water and, without a single casualty on either side, vanished like phantoms in the snow. Production was eventually restored, but after an American bombing raid, the Germans decided to call it a day and attempted to transport barrels of D₂O aboard the ferry Hydro. The ghosts in woolly jumpers struck again, however, planting explosives in the hold and sending the vessel and its precious cargo (and this time, sadly, civilians too) to the bottom of Lake Tinnsjå.
Before leaving, we also admire Rjukan's solar mirrors. The town has a rather complicated relationship with the sun—it huddles in a valley so deep that from autumn until spring, direct sunlight never reaches it. The idea of installing enormous mirrors on the surrounding slopes to reflect sunlight down into the town dates all the way back to 1913. The technology of the day wasn't quite up to such shenanigans, so instead they built a cable car to take the inhabitants up the mountain to the sunshine. Only a century later was the original idea finally realised—three computer-controlled mirrors now track the sun and reflect its rays onto a small patch of the town square, while the rest of Rjukan remains in shadow. So the Norwegians first built a cable car to bring people to the sun, and then mirrors to bring the sun to the people. Well, why not.
The trees begin to return, and in places the landscape starts to look a little like home. We swim in a lake, pass an enormous meteorite crater, visit some unique and extraordinarily beautiful stave churches, and discover a graveyard of beetles. Volkswagen Beetles. They have racing numbers, covered-up headlights, roll cages and all sorts of modifications for bilcross, the Norwegian equivalent of the Finnish jokamiehenluokka—rough-and-ready, low-budget motor racing. I'm immediately overcome by nostalgia for Herbie from Herbie: Fully Loaded. After all those kilometres travelling with my antique photographic junk, I've finally stumbled upon another collection of machines whose owners apparently didn't consider technological progress an essential part of life either. I cue up Jump by Van Halen in my head, photograph old things with old things, and wave them a grateful goodbye.
It's a beautiful, warm, colourful, sunlit evening. We walk along the coast, hopping over cracks in the smooth, polished rocks, slowly approaching Ansteins Lighthouse. The sky glows with every colour of the fading day, and I take my final photograph. Such a tiny little lighthouse, such a modest ending to such a magnificent journey. Beams sweep across the horizon, and the sky paints in just one colour now—the colour of night. Before we've even had a chance to take it all in, we're suddenly crossing the border back into the Czech Republic. In the distance, the other Giant Mountains rise before us.




















































































































































